#Scatterbrained doesn’t even cover it!

So, Yeah! WordPress…. I forget that you’re my friend and I should totally talk to you more often… Please don’t hate me… Pweeeeeze?

Anyway loads of news. As Bella Rose I have released and then rereleased #Transfixed which is Book 1 in the Fated Choices series.

eBook Transfixed2018


Here’s the Blurb:

For two hundred years, Jenna has managed to avoid playing in the light, making it a point to hunt only The Darkness, it’s been safer that way. Besides, who’s going to miss a few murderers and rapists?

Luc is exactly the kind of someone Jenna knows she should stay away from. But even the most conscientious vampire can’t fight fate. And fate has plans for Jenna and Luc. Plans that will entwine them in something bigger than themselves. Something that will change them both in ways they never imagined.

Fate will bind them together. And together, they will discover who they were always destined to be.


I also now write erotic romance-Ooh Err Mrs… As Sara Jayne.

Sara published her very first title this week exclusively on Amazon and is available to buy for 99p or read for free as part of the KindleUnlimited program.

Special Delivery (002)www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07FZ3QG13

Here’s the Blurb:

Casey Jenkins is working from home as a product tester and secretly crushing on her regular delivery guy.
She doesn’t know how to move forward until one day he knocks on the wrong day, with a very special delivery.


So yeah, that’s where I’m at ~ Love and Light to you all xxxxx


seriously, the guy has a point

This article is pretty powerful and illustrates, really all the things that is wrong with commercialism in the western world. Lets face it- Both artists are very talented. But the two pieces together, have a completely different meaning and thats a real shame.


I got metaphorically spanked a couple of days ago. Folks have been talking about the Fearless Girl statue ever since it was dropped in Manhattan’s Financial District some five weeks ago.I have occasionally added a comment or two to some of the online discussions about the statue.

Recently most of the Fearless Girldiscussions have focused on the complaints by Arturo Di Modica, the sculptor who createdCharging Bull. He wantsFearless Girl removed, and that boy is taking a metric ton of shit for saying that. Here’s what I said that got me spanked:

The guy has a point.

This happened in maybe three different discussions over the last week or so. In each case I explained briefly why I believe Di Modica has a point (and I’ll explain it again in a bit), and for the most part folks either accepted my comments or ignored them. Which…

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No NaNo win for me :-(

So I did my best but I didn’t quite hit the mark.

I flopped face down on the midnight finish line with 33,991 words towards my work in progress – Transfixed.

It’s going great though and I am much further along than I expected to be at this point, which is fab.

The whole NaNoWriMo madness was fantastic, and I had some great buddies to run and sprint with. Truly inspirational writers who inspire me to follow my dream, Kate, Krista and Jovee. These ladies have each encouraged me and pushed me in different but important ways and those little nudges find me where I am now.

Transfixed as I said, is coming along well and I am currently aiming for a February 2017 release. Fingers Crossed370185xcitefun-facebook-cover-quotes-2

My Crazy Impulse

This year, despite never having done so before – I signed up for #NaNoWriMo. I do feel more than a little bit crazy to be honest and in the run up to November first I really was starting to panic.

You see I’ve had this story in my head for a while, well i say story and mean idea…. And when I say idea, I really mean just an opening scene…


But oh well lets have a go i thought – and then panicked. BUT! Today I passed 25k words and although I’m a bit behind I am really enjoying myself. The characters have taken to talking to me at every available opportunity, when I’m shopping, washing up, having a shower! It really is the weirdest thing and it occurred to me that usually if i told my husband there were people in my head telling me a story, he would have probably had me sectioned (and for good reason). So how thin really is the line we walk between author and delusional schizophrenia? I think it’s pretty damn thin and you know what, I am absolutely thrilled to finally be walking.


I wish everyone that is participating a world of luck and Happy Wording!

Who Am I Now?

Who Am I Now?

Insomniac is possibly the most obvious answer to that question, it is currently 3am and I am unable to sleep owing to the words that are trying to escape my head. After 2 unsuccessful hours of trying to ignore the words I really do wish I could own a pensieve Like Dumbledore. Then at least I could store the movie in my brain for a slightly less anti-social moment in order to share it. But never mind, I don’t like to sleep anyway – Yawn

So who am I now? Well in 2014 I joined a group of Women on a blog called ‘Aspie Women Speak’, our aim was to reach out and help other women who might suspect they have or been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, which is now more commonly known as Autism Spectrum Disorder.

‘But isn’t everyone somewhere on the spectrum?’ I hear you ask. Well technically the answer to that is yes since after all the clue is in the name and since Autism is considered a spectrum that goes from ‘Not at all Autistic’ to ‘Severely Autistic’ then yes technically everyone is somewhere on the spectrum. However, the occasions on which I have had this question posed to me or indeed phrased like a statement, what it illuminates to me is the complete lack of understanding that the world at large (even the ‘experts’) have around what it is like to deal with Autism on a daily basis, how it actually feels to not want to talk to anyone, yet at the same time feel terribly alone. To want to go shopping and look at beautiful things but to instantly regret that decision because you forgot it was market day and much busier than normal, or indeed maybe you wish you could cope with market day because with the high street becoming more and more full of big brand chains, the only place nowadays to blow an hour looking at independent sellers and artists work is the market or at specialised craft event which again are very busy. Christmas is coming, I would love to take the children to see one of the light switch on events that will be taking place everywhere soon, but for our combined difficulties we simply won’t cope. We recently managed a theatre visit for the first time so maybe we’ll make the pantomime this year, or maybe not we’ll have to see.

So who am I now? Well my name is FairyClare but it is also more recently BellaRose. As FairyClare I wrote a piece on Identity for Aspie Women Speak which can be found here and also here on my own page Over The Ultraviolet Rainbow. It details the personal metamorphosis that I have been through during my life up until 2014. The last 2 years have been somewhat of a rollercoaster for me and I have discovered things about myself that I wasn’t expecting, I found my diagnoses and dealt with that. I found support for my children who as a result have been able to return to mainstream education after a 2 ½ year sojourn, which is great. I found the momentum to make decisions and act upon them for the good of my family, which saw us moving 300 miles. But most importantly I think, from a personal point of view, I have gained a deeper understanding and respect for my own needs. My name is Clare Anstead, I go by FairyClare and BellaRose and I am an Autistic Adult, diagnosed with High Functioning Aspergers Syndrome.

And what does that mean? Absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. Because Autism and Aspergers are so widely mis-understood there is truly no knowing how someone will react to this statement. Sometimes you get sympathy and an attempt to make you feel better about who you are. Sometimes you get spoken to like a toddler which hearing issues and a penchant for peeing in flower pots. Sometimes you get barely concealed scorn like the time I visited a new GP and she looked at my diagnoses as grounds enough to refer us to social services. Clearly I am a terrible mother because I put my children’s mental health and well-being ahead of fitting in and ticking boxes. But really none of this matters because I am still the slightly awkward woman, who loves her children and husband and puts them ahead of herself at all times. So how does that make me so different to who I was before my diagnoses? Or indeed 90% of mothers in the world for that matter.

I still play with my children and try to help them grow into strong resilient individuals, but sometimes the noise of their happiness is too much for me and I need to retreat for a while.

I still make jewellery and love sparkly things almost obsessively but I now understand why I need the colours separated and it hurts my head when the boxes are put away wrong.

I still go shopping both alone and accompanied, even with my Autistic children. Sometimes we cope marvellously and sometimes I have had to phone my husband to rescue me because I’m close to meltdown in the store.

We still attend social events but sometimes we can’t and we ask no forgiveness for that. It might be that I am having a bad day, or maybe one of the children is having a meltdown. As a family we make choices that often do not make sense to those outside and what I know today that I perhaps didn’t know in 2014 is that it’s okay to be different. I, We do not need the worlds approval to be who we are. We are who we are and we will always see the world differently to the majority of the population, and that is a cause for celebration not camouflage. I am no longer hiding who I am.

A good friend recently informed me that if you write for pleasure, not just talk about writing in attention seeking status’s, but are actively working on a project or piece, either for submission/publication or not. Then you’re a writer and to get used to it so here goes.

My name is Clare Anstead and I have Aspergers Syndrome. I choose to be FairyClare, who loves glitter and crafts and spending time with my family and I am also BellaRose, who loves books and learning and has decided to follow her words and write. I don’t yet know where this will take me but I’ll follow my path as long as it feels like the right one.


FairyClare / BellaRose xxx

Who was I?

This one was actually written a few years back for an outreach project I was involved in….
I have moved forward since then but this is kind of my base!


Who Am I?

Well now there’s an interesting question!

When I was 3 I was apparently TinkerBell for almost 2 yrs and would only say ‘Ding-a-Ling-a-Ling’. I spent my primary school life being extremely literal (I am told that I once spent a whole day over drawing a life size ladybird on an A3 piece of paper.) I was Selective Mute the year I had a male teacher and Mum tells me a was selectively deaf when she started seeing the Man I came to call Dad (Miss You Everyday).

At Secondary school my report frequently read – ‘Must try Harder’ and although I remember knowing everyone and being said hello to an awful lot, I also remeber never feeling as though I fitted into any of the ‘groups’ but was more on the fringes of them all. My first love left me for someone more extraverted and broke my heart. The next boyfriend was all wrong for me but showed up around the same time that my mum returned to the dating game and looking back I realise I just didn’t want to be alone.

When I was 19 I started working in a retail store in one of Londons airports and after a while I became ‘Rah-Bird’ I was loud, I ran the stock room and held my own in a predominantly male environment. We drank and partied and I briefly enjoyed being single. I met the man I later married when I was 20 and my life steadied a little even though he came with ‘Baggage’ (Such a horrible way of refering to the amazing young man who became my stepson but thats what everybody called him at the time ).

‘Rah-Bird’ survived untill I was almost 24 and my mental health broke down. Apparently you can’t wear a mask indefinately, eventually all that stuff you’ve been ignoring and shoving under the sofa? It needs to be pulled out and looked at! That year after being signed off long term sick, I put up my christmas tree and stared at the twinkly lights for almost 3 months continuously.

Since then I’ve sold Double Glazing and Family Portraits (I honestly don’t know why I put myself through it) I’ve been a book keeper and then given up work when my stepson came to live with us full time. More recently I have been ‘MamaBelle’ who now has 4 amazing children and had no social life to speak of. I went through a phase of thinking I should want more and got involved with the preschool, which led to qualifications in childcare and special needs.

These days I brand myself as ‘FairyClare’. FairyClare has several faces but as I get to know myself better I am finding that they compliment each other rather than grate against each other. At home FairyClare leaves a trail of glitter wherever she goes after gluing and creating with the children. FairyClare also makes charm jewellery and occasionally I have to do real stalls and talk to customers, so then I put my ‘Game Face’ on. I have realised that I also use my ‘Game Face’ when dealing with professionals and agencies for my children but will avoid doing so for myself, often I forget to eat unless my husband or eldest son remind me.

For a while FairyClare worked as a barmaid and made a new group of ‘friends’. I very nearly became a drunk as I couldn’t enjoy being with that group sober if I wasn’t working. Having distanced myself from that I realise that actually the problem lies when I am customer side of the bar. Without a role to play I am completely adrift and just want to run away, but let me stand behind the bar and you’ll see a completely different character.

So Who Am I? I’m still working that out but luckily I have a beautiful family that assure me they are along for the ride – I reckon I’ll hang onto FairyClare though, My liking of Fairies seems to have been a fairly constant thing and to be honest I kinda like UltraViolet FairyDust.